Picking At Tsukasa
by Kotoko And Sumomo
Summary: What to do when you're bored? I know! You can always just pick at Tsukasa!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: If I owned .hack, would I be here?  
  
Authoress's note: This is my first fan fic that I'm letting anybody read, so take it easy on me O.K.?  
  
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Picking At Tsukasa  
Chapter 1-Mimiru  
  
Mimiru sat down on one of the ledges in Dun Loireag. "If this gets any more boring, I'll hang out with Sora. . . That's pretty desperate. . ." She mumbled.  
  
"Don't hang out with Sora," A voice out of nowhere told her. "Go and pick on Tsukasa. You know you want to."  
  
A passerby whispered something and walked over to her. "Ma'am. . . do you often speak to yourself? Do you often answer yourself?" She asked.  
  
"So what are you? My psychiatrist?"  
  
"Not yours," The passerby replied proudly. "But I am Dorothy Oswald Terrence! Take a business card!"  
  
"How did you edit that into the game? Oh, who am I kidding? I might as well just go and pick on Tsukasa."  
  
Mimiru left D.O.T. to be overly egostatistical, while she looked for Tsukasa. She found him going insane again, with Subaru trying to calm him down.  
  
"I'm stuck in a freakin' game," He shouted. "How the heck do you expect me to calm down?!"  
  
"O.K., I tried," Subaru said. "I'm done. Pay me."  
  
The director walked out on stage and gave her a bunch of money. "Here," He said nervously. "Just don't come after me with that axe again! Please!"  
  
Mimiru giggled insanely. She walked over to Tsukasa. "Hey, Tsukasa!" She called.  
  
"What?!"  
  
" Want to play a fun new game I made up?"  
  
" Not really, I still have to---"  
  
Five minutes later, Mimiru had him tied to a tree. She was repeatedly poking him in the stomach with a stick. He was wrapped up in toilet paper with honey on it to make it stick, his mouth was duct taped, and he had a clothes hanger on his head.  
  
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Authoress: Ah, picking on Tsukasa really takes a load off, huh? Any way, this is one of my first all-humor fics, so I'm not very good yet. If I get some good reviews, I'll write a chapter for everyone else too.  
  
Well, Sayonara. . . or Ja ne. 


	2. BT

Disclaimer:. . .and I'd have a mansion. . .  
  
Authoress's note: I only got two reviews last chapter, but they were both good. Thank you for taking the time to read this fic.  
  
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Picking At Tsukasa  
Chapter 2-B.T.  
  
"This is not my day," B.T. mumbled. "The staff coffee machine is down and there's no one to torment. What now?"  
  
As the float that D.O.T. put up saying not to talk to yourself flew by the night skies in Carmina Gadelica, the idea came to her: Tsukasa! He can't log out, right?  
  
B.T. walked over to Tsukasa, who was beating Macha up. Macha disappeared.  
  
Tsukasa looked up. "What do you want?"  
  
"Now Tsukasa," She teased. "You sound like you're sniffing out a conspiracy. I just wanted to ask if you had some coffee. If you don't, I can always use my virtual torture devices to. . ."  
  
"To do what?!"  
  
"Well let's see. . . I have knife fingernails, clothes hangers, rope, and toilet paper. You do the math!"  
  
Crim, Subaru, Mimiru, Bear, Silver Knight, and A-20 were watching from a bush. "Yeah! Get him good!" Subaru cried softly.  
  
"You're gonna blow our cover! Shut up!" Silver Knight said.  
  
"Yeah!" Everyone else agreed.  
  
. . .5 minutes later, they were all ('cept Subaru) laying in puddles of blood. Subaru watched from over a bush with a bowl of Mandragora.  
  
B.T. had Tsukasa tied down with clothes hangers on his arms, toilet paper wrapped around his eyes so he couldn't see, and B.T. was poking him in the stomach with her nails. She liked the way he made the same noise as the Pilsbury Dough Boy.  
  
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Authoress: Once again, we proclaim Tsukasa as our own personal beating bag. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Feel free to say whatever you want.  
  
Domo Arigato! Sayonara! 


	3. Chapter 3Bear

Disclaimer:. . .and a mercedes, and. . .  
  
Authoress: Here I go again. Anyway, thanks to Alisi and to everyone else who reviewed the story that I wrote in pitiful boredom. Arigato, minna!  
  
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Picking At Tsukasa  
Chapter 3- Bear  
  
Bear looked annoyed. He had picked at all of the Monsieurs he could find, but he couldn't find anymore. He was having a very bad day, and so decided to pick on Tsukasa.  
  
He found Tsukasa examining the unuseful purple cherry. "Hey, Tsukasa!" He called.  
  
Tsukasa dropped the cherry off of the ledge of Carmina Gadelica's walls. "What?!," He called, holding his stomach, where B.T. had continuedly poked him with her knife fingernails. "What do you want?! The purple cherry?! It's long gone now!"  
  
"How'd you like to play a game with this old man?"  
  
"What game?"  
  
"It's called ransom."  
  
"What do you do?"  
  
"I'll show you. . ."  
  
5 minutes later, Bear was holding Tsukasa over the edge of D Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground's ledges. Helba watched. She had agreed to put a bunch of spikes at the bottom of the level.  
  
Bear smiled insanely. "So, Tsukasa," He said. "Are you having fun yet?"  
  
"Not particularl---" Bear shook him threateningly. "YES!"  
  
"Would you rather dangle like this, or would you rather me drop you? There's spikes down there, you know!"  
  
"Dangle please!"  
  
"Too bad. . ."  
  
Bear dropped him, listened to the screaming, and then smiled, and walked away, satisfied.  
  
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Authoress: OK, I haven't gotten any complaints yet, so I'm guessing that everyone likes the story. If you don't, then just tell me, and maybe you have some suggestions.Also, sorry to any Bear-fans that may have been offended with this fic.  
  
Sayonara! 


	4. Crim

Disclaimer:. . .and I'd have the hottest guy ever, and. . .  
  
Authoress:O.K., I just wanted to take a little time to say thanks to the people who reviewed this fic, and I also wanted to thank my dad. Thanks all! O.K., here we go.  
  
Picking At Tsukasa  
Chapter 4- Crim  
  
"Oh, that's the perfect way to kick off my day! With Subaru stealing all the Children's cough medicine, going crazy, and killing me..." Crim said slowly as he regenerated.  
  
He looked up as he walked, and saw a passerby point their weapon up at a blimp in thye night sky that had Mimiru, B.T., and Bear's faces smiling as they described their wonderful experiences with Tsukasa and their torture devices.  
  
Crim paused as he heard a voice in his head. "Dangle Tsukasa from a tree, Crim. Do something horrific (AN:For VampireKnight )." The voice said.  
  
Crim tried to resist, but just couldn't. So tempting... But everyone would know...  
  
"STOP PLAYING WITH MY HEAD!!!" He yelled.  
  
D.O.T. watched in amazement. 'What's becoming of today's video game youth? So disappointing...' She thinks, before she is attacked by a flying monkey.  
  
10 minutes later, Crim couldn't resist any longer. He found Tsukasa in a keyword playing painfully with all the grunty food he could manage to steal from A-20.  
  
Crim walked up to the little boy and picked him up by the collar. "What do you want?!" He yelled.  
  
"See that tree? See this rope? Remember how to do math?"  
  
5 minutes later, Tsukasa was hanging from the tree he had previously sat under. Crim had decided to play a game that his sister taught him 6 years ago... called Mirror Mirror. She based it afrter her and Crim's favorite Disney movie: Snow White and the 7 (coughtorturedcough) Dwarves.  
  
"Mirror Mirror on the tree," Crim said. "Whose hair is always the purest green?"  
  
Tsukasa thought a moment. "Sora?"  
  
"Why you dirty little weasel!" Crim yelled angrily, poking Tsukasa in the stomach with his beloved spear.  
  
Tsukasa got poked so much in the same areas that B.T. cut him, his stomach was burning. Crim watched him dematerialize in satisfaction.  
  
"Now I'm ready to go take on anything!" He sighed, before seeing an image of a screaming Subaru in his head and cowering in fear. "On second thought..."  
  
Authoress: Well, I hope that you liked it, and a apecial thanks to everyone who reviewed on my last three chapters. Sorry it took me so long to update.  
  
Oh, one more thing. Thanks sooooo much to VampireKnight for the idea, that was really helpful! Good day all! 


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